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Tuesday, 20 December 2011

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Survey: 90% of Indian mothers want their kid to be a mix of Diggy Chacha and Sibal Uncle

An independent survey of 500 women from different states reveals shocking results that 90% of the women want their child to be borne like Diggy Chacha and Sibal Uncle.

A research agency called "Train in Brain" recently conducted a survey on a subject called "Aspiration of intelligent kids". Pankuj Pandey, Head - research of the agency said "We were keen to know, today what an Indian woman thinks. What are her children should be compared with? Did they want him/her to become Sachin Tendulkar/Shahrukh or Saina Nehwal/ Aishwarya Rai? We conducted a survey with few simple questions while we had a library of different people in India which had different skill sets. We matched all the answers and compared them with our library and we shocked to see the results. Most of the women agreed upon 2 people, one was Albert Einstein like brainy guy, Kapil Sibal and the other one was communication king, a dream man for any Public Relations (PR) agency, Digvijay Singh."

"Today what a mother want is intelligent brain which should innovate something that may be stupid and idiotic but still innovative and should possess enough communication skills to express it to the world," a psychologist Preeti Sanyaal said.

"Actually, we conducted the survey based on intelligence, shrewdness and communication parameters, which received a great response. 500 women answered the questions. When we combined all the answers, we got a strange looking creature who had upper face looked like Kapilji and mouth looked like Diggyji," said surveyor Nimit Sharma.

When DCFC reporter asked Nimit Sharma to justify the results he said "Actually, year 2011 lacked in terms of innovation. Hardly, one or two stupid but innovative theories came. "Zero Loss Theory" was one of those creative theories. It directly matches with Albert Einstein's general theory of relativity. For example Einstein's theory implies the existence of black holes—regions of space in which space and time are distorted in such a way that nothing, not even light, can escape—as an end-state for massive stars.

Same way, Sibalji gave a new theory of Zero Loss. Zero Loss are the holes-regions of space in which power and grid are distorted in such a way that nothing, not even spectrum allocation or 2G scam, can escape—as an end-state for losses. Therefore, there was no loss at all. His idea of censoring internet ship had the mass appeal. Even his critics which include Diggy Chacha, Chiddu supported it. However, he couldn't properly convey the message to the society and therefore we felt that he lacks in communication but has great innovative mind."

Talking about Diggy Chacha's selection he said "Diggyji is best communication tool for the Congress Party. Be it conveying message that Osama was not just Osama but he was Osamaji while Ramdev Baba was thug and Anna Hazare is maintaining a gang of 4, all these press releases of the party were artistically expressed by him were taken very positively by the society. His way of communicating the social messages is extra-ordinary. However, despite his prowess, many Congress leaders still dump Diggyji as useless leader. Therefore, we chose him for his communication skills. Based on aspirations of all women, our painter Mr. Majid F Hasan drew a picture which gave us the combination of Kapilji and Diggyji."

When DCFC reporter contacted Diggy Chacha for his view, he said "This is great pleasure of mine. Thanks to all behenjis who selected me as their mouthpiece. I have a good experience of communicating messages from the great mother of India. In the form of mouths of all the children, I would definitely try to talk more and more."
However, the comments of Diggy Chacha attracted criticisms. Modern Women Liberation Front (MWLF) Chief, Ms Girija Oberoy said "How dare he called all women as behenjis! Didn't he know that this word is barred from the Women Dictionary of India? We strongly condemn Diggyji's inhumane and anti-women act by calling women as 'behenji'."

Environmental Activist, Satish Dubey said "We denounce Diggyji's statement which motivates producing noise-pollution. The world is already under global warming and now he is motivating Indian mothers to spread noise pollution. We are against this act, if every child will have Diggyji's mouth our whole world will become a fish market by spreading noise everywhere."

DCFC reporter contacted Kapil uncle for his views on the survey. Sibal uncle shouted at the reporter "I will not tolerate all these hopeless surveys which demean me everyday. A lot of jokes you already made on my revolutionary "Zero Loss Theory" you third grade reporter from that your third grade site. I will ask Salman and Chiddu to ban your website also."

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