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Monday, 2 April 2012

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Ravi Shastri and SP Tulsian to interchange their jobs


Tulsian will hold commentary box; Shastri will recommend stocks

In a major development, CNBC TV 18 has replaced Ravi Shastri against SP Tulsian while BCCI asked SP Tulsian to join commentary box replacing Ravi Shastri. Both the organisations took these steps as they were fed up with the repetitive audience complaints and sharp increase in boring values of their programmes. Both will exchange them for free of cost. TV 18 and BCCI signed memorandum of tolerating (MoT) for 3 years under which both the parties agreed to tolerate these two faces for next 3 years.

Raghav Bahl, MD of Network 18, parent company of CNBC TV 18 confirmed the development and said "This is a major development for TV18 which is now trying to expand its customer base rapidly. Ravi Shastri's entry will make dual impact on our TAM ratings first by a chunk of cricket viewers will start watching CNBC TV 18 and second audience which left us because of boring and expressionless SP Tulsian's commentary will come back to hear some addressable notes like Reliance Industries went like a tracer bullet."

The group's CEO Sanjay Ray Chaudhuri said "I am thrilled with the overall development. Listening to Ravi Shastri's recommendations over stocks would be a great thought. It will be a real treat for ears. I felt fucked with that expressionless face of Tulsian. Now at least we shall get something which is a tingling like that flashing cover drive from the global markets."

Ravi Shastri confirmed the news and reported that he is promptly going through financial vocabulary.
"Yea that's nice field. Markets also open at around similar time at Test Cricket matches open and I would love to provide pitch report for the equities. It's all about the mindset, you need to treat opening as a challenge," he said.

BCCI told India Satire reporter that it was looking out a fresh face for cricket matches with no-nonsense persona and SP Tulsian found best for the role.

"We were looking out for a face with no-expressions to add some flavor to our cricket match commentary. We were also got bored with Ravi Shastri's out-of-dictionary words and therefore thought choosing SP Tulsian for the job. He has limited words and restricted expressions which make him ideal candidate. We are going to track him in the IPL Season 5 and will decide his role," said BCCI President N Srinivasan who also heads India Cements Ltd., a Tamil Nadu based cement company and owner of Chennai Super Kings.

Sources said that it was SP Tulsian who recently gave positive remarks on cement sector and India Cements impressed N Srinivasan a lot and decided him to offer commentator's role.

"It would be fantastic to hear words like I am keeping my positive view on Chennai Super Kings or Mumbai Indians and also for that matter Delhi Daredevils," said N Srinivasan.

However, developments could not go well with SP Tulsian's fans, which started protesting against both these organisations.

Somesh Patel said "This is fu*kingly idiotic decision. We draw millions of rupees just waiting for Tulsian's call. Just when he gives buy we sell the stock and when he says sell we buy it. So how would we get those fu*kingly accurate calls. This decision will also raise our dictionary costs to understand and translate Ravi Shastri's non-financial vocab."

Few viewers were happy for SP Tulsian's departure, as they had not use above trading strategy. Hiren Jain, a long term investor told India Satire Correspondent "His multi-bagger ideas made us multiple beggars. Thank God, TV 18 at least took serious decision now."

Few cricket fans also got irritated. Jintendra Sharma said "Now what we shall hear would be I will be keeping my positive view on Chennai Super Kings largely because of the - maybe the Dhoni will accelerate innings from hereon or he will cut some hair over next few days to get back into form."

However, Tulsian is very much excited to his new job and said "I am learning cricket in depth and currently my focus is on IPL. See a para of my commentary I have been maintaining my positive view on Rajasthan Royals because if one takes the fundamental call they have 18 runs per person per match while Chennai Super Kings has 17.5 runs per person per match translating the team Rajasthan Royals to reach to final scoring average 195 runs against the average of Chennai Super Kings of 187 runs. Other probable candidates would be Mumbai Indians with 184 runs and Royal Challengers of 182.5 runs."

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