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Friday 20 April 2012

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Government formed a committee headed by Shakti Kapoor to investigate Abhishek Manu Singhvi's case


BREAKING NEWS

Process for selecting head was non democratic - said Gulshan Grover

The government bent in front of netizens, who are sharing controversial video of Abhishek Manu Singhvi and formed a committee headed by sexual abuse expert Shakti Kapoor to investigate the entire saga. The committee was asked to give reports in next 15 days.

"Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, himself took the time out from his busy schedule and requested Shakti Kapoor to investigate the case. Our research team suggested that only Shakti Kapoor will solve the problem of understanding whether the video is morphed, manipulated or real," said P K Sharma, an official in Prime Minister's office (PMO) of India.

Shakti Kapoor is set to meet Singhvi next week, Monday to discuss the content on video and take a view. Members under the committee will consist of people with the experience of eve teasing, pulling down their pants and opening the buttons on their shirts in a very sensual or abusive manner are selected for the job of investigation.

"Aaaauuuuu Lolitta! Its really proud feeling that I have been choosen for the job. First time government recognised the importance of my inherent skills of understanding the sex animal inside a man," said Shakti Kapoor who also told India Satire correspondent that he will start investigation immediately.

He also told that he wants to meet the lady in front of whom Abhishek disrobed himself with an assurance that he would maintain minimum levels of humanity. However, he said that he has an X-Ray machine fit in his eyes which helps him look inside the man or woman. However, for lady lawyer, the government urged him to put a black cloth on his eyes.

Abhishek Manu Singhvi, however, given a weird reply to India Satire correspondent when asked him how did he feel on governemnt's decision to appoint Shakti.

He said "I am ready for any investigation as I am totally innocent. But investigation by Shakti Kapoor, yuck! Government's decision really sucks."

Singhvi said "The photos when I was unzipping was the natural and was completing natural things. It doesn't matter whether it was in front of some lady or lada… what the f*ck media is targeting me and these netizens."
Kapil Sibal who recently faced the brunt of netizens said "I would like to keep quite. Otherwise these idiot netizens will target me."

Shakti Kapoor told India Satire correspondent "Aaaauuuuu... rape ki bhavana mein bachpan se hi apne andar observe kar rahaa hu (I am observing the feeling of being rapist since my childhood). Mujhe bachpan se hi pata tha ki mere andar X-Ray machine fit karwaya hai... aaauuuuu... (I knew I was endowed with X-Ray machine in my eyes. Mein dekhungaa ki Abhishek ke man me sex ki woh bhavana aane ke baad wo kitne control me thaa.... aauuuuu (I will check how much was he under control when he felt lusty or greedy)."

However, Women Liberalisation Association (WLA) asked government to reconsider the decision on asking Shakti Kapoor to investigate the case "This is totally idiotic idea in giving the sensitive case to evil souls like Shakti Kapoor. We ask government to reconsider it."

The contemparory actor, Gulshan Grover straight away protested against the decision. He said "The government's decision is totally non democratic. It ignored great people like Prem Chopra and me. I was the bad man when Shakti was struggling. I have more rape cases registered against me in the Bollywood movie Police Stations than Shakti. Therefore, the government has to take a more genuine decision."


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