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Saturday, 21 January 2012

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Indian Government appoints great activist Vinay Rai to pre-screen statements of opposition leaders

Pre-screen all abusive statements of opposition leaders

Reacting to continuous demands of prominent party leaders and a huge proportion India's population, Indian government appointed India's Censorship Crusader, Vinay Rai to pre-screen each and every word of opposition leaders and remove any objectionable, obscene and abusive words.

"The government's step was mostly expected, after Vinay Rai won the first battle against Facebook and Google," said Rajesh Singh, owner of internet expert firm, IntraExpert.

"This is a landmark step from the government, as opposition leaders have lost all the decency and make all the f***ingly abusive statements on the ruling party leaders. I hate breaching of the limits of democracy. Vinay Rai has proven track record in helping banning the firms which put abusive and obscene contents on their websites," said Kapil Sibal (Uncle).

In private chat with Diggy Chacha Fan Club (DCFC), he reported an internal secret as well. He said "This Diggy always sits on my head and asks me to put a fevicol strip on each and every opposition leader as he was the most who faced derogatory statements from them. However, it is difficult to put strip on each and every leader as it would require the force of 120000 officers. Vinay Rai, however, will help us to scan these words."

Talking about the process, Sibal Uncle's secretary said "We actually invented a device based on a theorm that before speaking anything the words come to brain. Here at brain levels the process starts. This device will use best of 3G capabilities and first end will be fitted on opposition leader's head and second will be attached to Vinay Rai's ears. This will be similar like brain-mapping devices. Whenever a thought come to the brain of opposition leader it will go to Vinay Rai for pre-screening. He will check whether it would be a sarcastic content or funny content or abusive content or anything that a leader plans to show something derogatory and will immediately block there and will start a Bhajan or patriotic song in his mind. Incase if device miss the word in the brain, it will detect it on his tounge and immediately voice "kuuuuunnnnnnn" will come along with that word. The process will be comprehensive and will include all the leaders from Gram Panchayats to Member of Parliaments."

When DCFC reporter asked him the keywords, he said "The list is yet to finalize but the words like mental, asylum, zero loss, idiot, stupid, mentor, Rahul Baba, Amul Baby, Diggy Chacha, etc. are banned at first place."

He said "First phase of fitting devices which include MPs and MLAs in currently states where polls are held will be completed in 1-2 months while in 2nd phase by end 2012 we shall cover entire India."

For language related issues "He said we shall equip Mr. Rai with all the languages. He is superb and will learn languages other than Hindi and English in next 4-5 months."

But is this entire process possible? Political Expert, Ram Kisan said "Yea it is possible. I believe it is a good idea, to bring decency in the minds of the leaders but I don't know why the government ignored its own leaders."
But why all this nonsense, Sibal Uncle said "See Vinay Rai convinced us that we are demigods and now as he won the battle for religious gods, his fight will be to save demigods like Government leaders."

A senior party leader said "In a democracy, demigod concept demonstrates trustworthiness of the voters who elected ruling party leaders for 5 years and abusing those leaders is sinful. Therefore, opposition leaders can't complain or criticize government leaders to disrespect the voters of India. Banning such statements would be in a health of the democracy only."

DCFC reporter asked Sibal Uncle whether any foreign government is interested in such a kind of device.
He smiled and said "It is also a great export opportunity. Already Barack Obama and European leaders placed huge orders for these devices while China is also in a fray. We have also sent application for patenting this device.

Voices of appreciation came from Diggy Chacha, Manish Tiwary, Chiddu Uncle, Manmohanji, Rahul Baba and Madamji while all the opposition leaders opposed the development.

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