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Wednesday, 7 March 2012

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5 reasons why Congress lost the battle in Uttar Pradesh

4 damage control exercises by Congress party high command

In a first edition of Number Game, Diggy Chacha Fan Club analyzed and assessed the defeat Congress Party in Uttar Pradesh (UP) election. Unfortunately before publishing, the copy of assessment was leaked and reached to Congress Party. The party president Soniaji (Madamji) took a emergency meeting of the party prominent leaders and after a great brainstorming they took some major policy decisions about the directions to 2014 elections. We would like to share our readers on our assessment from the UP election and the Congress party's decisions about the way forward.
Entertainment value for Diggy Chacha declined sharply

Chacha Digvijay Singh is considered to be a great entertainer for Indian public. His statements carry a lot of entertainment value. Plus he is much focused avenger for enemies if personal attack is to be conducted. However, by end of the campaigning for unknown reason this guy lost all his energy and almost stopped bullshitting which affected Congress a lot in the results.

What kind of bullshitting of Chacha stopped?

1.     Use of word RSS
Striking reduction in the use of keyword "RSS" was one of the major reasons for the defeat of Congress party in UP. It was one of the handiest weapons for Diggy Chacha, which he used successfully for quite a lot time in the past.

Historical evidences suggest that Diggy Chacha used RSS word multiple times during April 2011 to September 2011, providing great entertainment to voters. Statistics from an independent research agency, Statssaga suggest that Diggy Chacha used 'RSS' at least 5-6 times daily during the above mentioned period while since October 2011 he used the word twice a week.

2.     Curtailing controversial and funny statements
Another reason for declining entertainment value was Diggy Chacha's attitude for personal attack. Say sentences such as 'Baba Ramdev is a thug' or 'Anna Hazare is carrying mask of RSS' used to entertain voters a lot and therefore also keeping Diggy Chacha in the news. However, while Ramdev Baba started focusing on his yoga teaching due to peak season and Anna Hazare took some rest to start a new battle with high vigor before next winter session, Diggy Chacha lost credible enemies to attack on.

3.     Lost focus and energy
Third was Diggy Chacha's assessment was incorrect for sometime (yea even God can makes fault, Diggy Chacha is just a strange creature). Backsliding attack on RSS, he just pushed Batla House where Salman Khurshid made his own mockery and everybody knows what happened next.  

By not using his main weapons of talking bullshit on community and individual persons, Diggy Chacha credibility of his loyal voters. Therefore last 3 months of campaigning of Uttar Pradesh elections lacked real entertainment.

Too many entertainers spoilt the show

Sharp deterioration in the energy of Diggy Chacha (reasons unknown) during pre-election campaigning and lack of entertainment value in his speech prompted other cheap Congress leaders to take his place. Salman Khurshid and Beni Prasad Verma were amongst those. Few like Robert Vadra joined the campaigning without any invitation (means 'maan na maan mein teraa mehmaan'). However, no body filled the absence of Diggy Chacha's energy. Speeches of these mannequin leaders were just boring statements (yawn). Unfortunately, even Poonam Pandey who posted her bikini photos on PM's twitter page could not fuel the energy in the government team.

Lack of firm commitments

The UP election campaigning witnessed lack of firm commitments from Congress leaders over

·         Rahul Baba's marriage,
·         Priyanka's entry in politics,
·         Entry of Priyanka's kids in politics,
·         Announcement of Rahul Baba as chief minister of UP,
·         Announcement of Priyanka's kids as chief ministers of UP,
·         Announcement of Robert Vadra's wealth pre and post marriage and
·         Announcement that Manmohanji will not keep his mouth shut.

No bullshitting from Team Anna, only bull's eye hit

Till December 2011, team Anna kept Congress and Diggy Chacha on the headlines of media. But, reasons unknown, sudden change in the stand of the team which started looking things from macro perspective rather than focusing on small sized leaders like Diggy Chacha, kept Congress out of focus/minds of voters.

Butter prices dropped sharply pre-election

Heavy use of Amul Butter by Congress leaders to buttress Amul Baby created allergy among the voters rather than energy. The butter during this period was used so heavily that at some point of time every Indian felt that for Congress butter is very cheap.

Damage Control exercise from Congress

However, according to DCFC sources the copy of DCFC report on the assessment of Congress defeat in Uttar Pradesh was leaked to Government which is trying to build a credible plan. DCFC reporter received copy of the plan which Diggy Chacha will start implementing soon to generate voters interest in Congress for 2014 elections.

Plan of Action:

1.     "Rahul Baba is eligible to marry, now"

This will attract female voters which include teenage girls like Poonam Pandey, many aunties and old age grannies. The plan was advocated by Diggy Chacha himself and got cheerful approval from Soniaji.

2.     "Food subsidy bill of one two three to be expanded to Pizza, Burger and other Italian food"

To attract page-3 voters and socialites along with Aam admi, Kapil Sibal advocated addition of some tasty Italian food in the menu of Food Security Bill, which was cheerfully approved by Madamji despite a strong opposition by Finance Minister Pranab Mukherjee. Pranabda was provided bunch of Rasgullah to keep his mouth shut. Under the new plan, which is going to be announced on Budget day 16th March 2012, Pizza will be sold at Re1, Burger at Rs2 and other Italian food at Rs3.

3.     "RSS supported Mulayam Singh Yadav to become chief minister"

As for some time Diggy Chacha witnessed lull in his creativity, a team of Congress party members was appointed to find out few sentences to raise his entertainment value. After huge conversation, discussions and many meetings they found out few statements which include RSS supported Mulayam Singh Yadav to become chief minister. Another statement they found out was "Mayawati was working under the guidance of RSS".

4.     "Priyanka Vadra's son Raihan can become Home Minister of India"

This will be a trump card for Diggy Chacha. Diggy Chacha will use this sentence in a crucial time and will avoid till requirement. Raihan who is studying in school can become youngest Home Minister of India. All the Congress members cheerfully gave their approval.

Editor's Note: Diggy Chacha Fan Club is starting a new edition called 'Number Game'. This is the first story of the new edition.

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